Greetings to all and welcome to my first blog.
I sometimes suffer from an eating disorder, social phobia (fear of people) and mild schizophrenia and today I want to talk about self- consciousness.
I was in a local drop in centre one morning recently having a cup of tea and chat with my friends. I have short hair and was wearing a navy fleece, navy jeans and trainer.
An older man came in and made the comment “Oh boy”. I automatically thought he was telling me I looked like a boy and felt self-conscious.
When I am not well I believe everything happening around me refers to me and imagine that everyone is judging me harshly. It is a form of paranoia and it can sometimes be an effort to leave my house.
When the World turns into too sharp a clarity, as it does when I’m having “one of my turns” I find it difficult to handle and I need extra medication to return to a softer focus I know myself well at this stage and I’m responsible enough to go for medical help when I need it. After a couple of weeks with the correct treatment I can be back to “normal”.
I belong to a self-help group, Recovery International which I attend regularly and find very helpful in my recovery.
A friend of mine gave me a short quote from AA which springs to mind in reference to my experience in the drop in centre; “analysis is paralysis”.
Til next time